It was the year 1966 and the day was Boxing day, the day of my twenty first birthday, and as usual
for me I had been drinking very heavily for most of the day, as I usually did most days, ever since
I was sixteen years old. What was different about this day was what happened to me on the way
home from the club I had been drinking in.It was about 10.45pm when I was walking home, then
out of the blue, my left foot touched the pavement and I received what felt like an electric shock
which traveled up my left leg, and left me completely stunned, I could actually FEEL like a protrusion coming out from the pavement slab and stabbing me in the foot, but when I examined
the pavement, there was nothing there.I made my way home, and went to bed. Then the occurrance
Of something which become a daily happening to me AWOKE, Lying in the bed I felt as though
my heart was going to "burst out of my chest" and this very real feeling caused me intense fear
remember this was the year 1966, many year before the film ALIEN was shown!! This was the beginning of a daily happening from 1966 until 1974. It seemed that by stepping on this invisible
electric buzzer on my twenty first birthday, set the whole syndrome of impending doom in
motion. The other regular experience was that my head was going to explode and my brains
(what was left of them) were going to splatter all over the wallpaper in my bedroom.,Every day
I felt as though I was going to die, not like ordinary people though,oh no! I would be found dead
with my heart exploded all over the wall, or on better days, it would just be my brains splattered
over the wallpaper! Then the impending doom took another quirk, this time, on top of the heart
and head explosions, there would be soothing voices emanating from such place as my alarm
clock, would "counsel me"" then the radiator would say things like you are ill Micheal, you need
help! A swan swam up to me when I was drinking cheap sherry, lying by a local river where I
lived, and the swan kindly offered me counselling! Saying you need help! From 1966 until 1973
this nightmare continued daily, getting progressively worse,each day I died a dozen times, and
it just continued, I had no fear of dying, I did that every day! It was living that scared the shit out
of me! By the time 1973 had arrived I was in dire straits, mentally, physically, emotionally, and every
other way totally washed up, and given three months to live by my doctor, I spent seven months in
hospital drying out,and having aversion therapy, and this was then the beginning of leaving the
impending doom syndrome, and beginning to embrace the impending HOPE syndrome, I discovered
that there were others like me,I thought I was the only one! And by hearing them share their experiences with me,i was able to identify with the fact that i had an illness called alcoholism
and that it could be arrested permanently one day at a time. There is hope for anyone out there if you want it,I have had nearly forty four years of being arrested! Not by the police, but by those who understand how to treat the illness of addiction, mine was alcohol, whats yours?
Warmest regards Michael
kirkpatrickmichael17@gmail.com any feed back welcome, facebook Soul Realization.
for me I had been drinking very heavily for most of the day, as I usually did most days, ever since
I was sixteen years old. What was different about this day was what happened to me on the way
home from the club I had been drinking in.It was about 10.45pm when I was walking home, then
out of the blue, my left foot touched the pavement and I received what felt like an electric shock
which traveled up my left leg, and left me completely stunned, I could actually FEEL like a protrusion coming out from the pavement slab and stabbing me in the foot, but when I examined
the pavement, there was nothing there.I made my way home, and went to bed. Then the occurrance
Of something which become a daily happening to me AWOKE, Lying in the bed I felt as though
my heart was going to "burst out of my chest" and this very real feeling caused me intense fear
remember this was the year 1966, many year before the film ALIEN was shown!! This was the beginning of a daily happening from 1966 until 1974. It seemed that by stepping on this invisible
electric buzzer on my twenty first birthday, set the whole syndrome of impending doom in
motion. The other regular experience was that my head was going to explode and my brains
(what was left of them) were going to splatter all over the wallpaper in my bedroom.,Every day
I felt as though I was going to die, not like ordinary people though,oh no! I would be found dead
with my heart exploded all over the wall, or on better days, it would just be my brains splattered
over the wallpaper! Then the impending doom took another quirk, this time, on top of the heart
and head explosions, there would be soothing voices emanating from such place as my alarm
clock, would "counsel me"" then the radiator would say things like you are ill Micheal, you need
help! A swan swam up to me when I was drinking cheap sherry, lying by a local river where I
lived, and the swan kindly offered me counselling! Saying you need help! From 1966 until 1973
this nightmare continued daily, getting progressively worse,each day I died a dozen times, and
it just continued, I had no fear of dying, I did that every day! It was living that scared the shit out
of me! By the time 1973 had arrived I was in dire straits, mentally, physically, emotionally, and every
other way totally washed up, and given three months to live by my doctor, I spent seven months in
hospital drying out,and having aversion therapy, and this was then the beginning of leaving the
impending doom syndrome, and beginning to embrace the impending HOPE syndrome, I discovered
that there were others like me,I thought I was the only one! And by hearing them share their experiences with me,i was able to identify with the fact that i had an illness called alcoholism
and that it could be arrested permanently one day at a time. There is hope for anyone out there if you want it,I have had nearly forty four years of being arrested! Not by the police, but by those who understand how to treat the illness of addiction, mine was alcohol, whats yours?
Warmest regards Michael
kirkpatrickmichael17@gmail.com any feed back welcome, facebook Soul Realization.
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